Madison Holleran's story; a 19-year-old that was "perfect" on the outside, but whose perfection consumed her on the inside. She was a state national soccer player who'd been recruited by Lehigh University on a scholarship, but who'd instead chosen to attend the University of Pennsylvania, where she'd been recruited for running. It was there where the pressure built up on her more than ever and "she lost the balance between being perfect - and trying to be perfect - and being happy."
On January 17th she climbed to the 9th floor of a parking garage in downtown Philadelphia and took a running leap. From her eyes, freeing herself from the pressure, but from the eyes of others, freeing herself from a distorted image of perfection that many only hope to achieve.
Her story really hit me because I understand the immense pressure she felt, but I don't understand how it could reach a point to where her mind made her think it was worthy of her life. It's a thought that scares me because I too am a perfectionist.
When I was small, I viewed it a lot more as a strength, it was like this fuel that gave me the magic powers to do anything. But as I've grown older, my responsibilities have grown, and so has the perfectionist that lies in me. The fuel runs like never before, but that's exactly the problem. I often feel as though I have the "magic powers" to do it all - and to do it well - even though I know that I don't. It's a whirlpool of mixed emotions, one where I usually put too much pressure on myself to reach "perfection", and when I don't, I stress out because it's not perfect.
When I was in eleventh grade, I experienced that peak year of stress. I was in what I'd say was the most challenging year in terms of academics, and while I fought to maintain my grades, I also fought to maintain my involvement in everything that I had always done. But I was under such pressure that I developed an ulcer. That was a wake up call. It was a physical manifestation of my strive for perfection, and it had to end.
The other day in class, we watched a video that talked about how a lot of us are always looking towards the future that we forget to live in the present. And I think that's what applies here. If the process of reaching perfection makes me feel so overwhelmed at times, than why am I trying to achieve it? It's basically like I'm changing in days of stress for just a single result. Is it really worth it?
It is if what I'm working towards is something that I deeply value, but if it's not, I think it's an opportunity to settle for less than perfect. Settle for the point where the process is enjoyable, not just the product.
If you haven't read Madison's story, I think you should.